On love

Today, I wanted to try something I’ve never really done before. I wanted to review and add an own perspective to what others wrote before me. I’ve wanted to do this for the longest time, and tonight, I finally found a worthy text to review. Note to the original author, my friend Laurens, who I know reads this blog: this wasn’t meant as a slam, just as a comment - and a not all too serious one at that. Damn, now he’s gonna think I’m going to slaughter him here!

While reading his Love is a battlefield, I had so many own remarks they couldn’t fit into the comment section, so I fired up my text processor, and this is the result.

Overall, the ‘paper’ has a very dark and pessimistic overtone to it (and I believe I know why – a girl nicknamed Eden – although I may be wrong).

The last few words, in time, there is hope yet for true romance, struck me as being the very core of what was being said, with the phrase for me understandably left out. I think this is what the paper is really about. Sad to say, but this is true for too many people (maybe even you!): the lack of love, or presence of the unrequited kind. Nazareth sang it in the ’70s already: love really does hurt. Or Heart’s ballad What About Love is eerily familiar to those who’ve ever been in love, even if you never heard it. Or go listen to Foreigner’s I Want To Know What Love Is. Or Phil Collins’ You Can’t Hurry Love. Or Blink-182’s The Rock Show (or any Blink song, for that matter). Or Cinderella's Don't Know What You've Got. Sorry, but I simply love music!

And then you have the ones for whom it all seems to go so smoothly. Who doesn’t have that friend who has a new lover each week? A new Dutch TV show is climbing the charts. It’s called Oh Oh Cherso, and it’s about 8 guys and girls partying, drinking, and of course spread-eagling a new chick every night. There’s an abundant selection of like shows to be watched, with many more in the making. That’s not true love. That’s instant hedonism, which is, indeed, sanctified in today’s society. Why work when you can play, and why love when you can fuck?

I think that’s not true. There is love somewhere out there. While there are some who haven’t ever been loved by another, most of us have. Just go back in your past and try to recall the feelings, the special moments, the little things and the love. Just reminisce for a moment, if you will. Feeling loved already?

Yes, it does take a huge deal of effort, but when you look past the superficiality that dominates nowadays, you’ll see a wonderful world. And yes, there’s room for romance.

To further illustrate this point, I made this chart of the list of utopian romantic love stories mentioned in the paper. Note that, as Orpheus isn’t part of history rather than mythology, I had to make an educated guess as to when he lived. Clicky for big-res. The X’s mark a period which was talked about. See how far some X’s are apart? Orpheus and Henry VIII ‘lived’ over 20 centuries apart, and you’re complaining that the last love epic was made but 13 years ago? Also, a hoard of new romance entertainment is coming out year after year after year – however, quality is highly subjective and I won’t go into that argument here.

Furthermore, I’m not convinced by the arguments. “Hollywood has … lost its touch,” the author says, adding that “[m]ost Hollywood couples as well have had several husbands and wives, turning the concept of holy matrimony in some sort of contest”. When, pray tell, has Hollywood been any good sort of role model? Partying, promiscuity and OD’ing have always been law there, so why should now be any different? And yes, there are exceptions: Matt Damon, for example, is an international mega-star, but nobody knows anything about his private life (except, of course, for his groupies and stalkers). Many others follow suit.

Yes, in the past, some men were gallant and chivalrous; but the other side is also true. For a long time, women were regarded as useful only for producing offspring; this meant rape was frequently a-okay, especially in time of war – and what nation hasn’t had one enemy at any point? Okay, there are many points and counterpoints to be made here, and I won’t go into the nitty-gritty details, but it wasn’t always sharing spaghetti with a creepy Italian playing accordion in the background, always having Paris or doing some epic dance moves!

The ancient Greeks already accused younger generations of being immoral and sickening, generation X complained about the slacktivism of youngsters, generation Y loves to resent the next generation, and so on. People look to the past for safety, because that’s what they know best. But, newsflash: in 20 years, we’ll surely look back on today and think this was a great period filled with love, happiness and glee. All times are extraordinary times!

All I can say to all of you who are in love with someone who doesn’t love you back, is advice I’ve once received and later passed on to other heartbroken souls: it’s not easy at all to get over someone, but don’t get discouraged! There is someone out there for you, you just haven’t met them yet!