Grrr!!!

This post has been the hardest to write yet (and probably will remain that way for a while), because I wanted to get my feelings conveyed accurately, protect the people involved, describe the situation in as few words as needed and put out sensitive and personal info out in the open without exposing myself too much, and all that was certainly no breeze. It's not what I want to write, nor can it ever be, with my limited vocabulary and my ever flip-flopping train of thoughts; and I frankly don't like the way it comes across, or anything about it for that matter; yet it's the best approximation of how I feel, and I guess I should settle for that. Anyhow, this is the result:

Yesterday evening, in a crowded bar somewhere, I was telling someone about a song which I have been telling a friend about for almost two years, but he still hasn’t heard it so I always pretend to be mad at him for that. She didn't know the song either, and said something that has been running through my mind ever since: ‘you can be angry with me, too’.

Some hours earlier, a girl texted me that, unlike we had agreed the previous day, she would take one train earlier to our common school. She asked me if I wasn't angry.

Last year, there was a girl who was (apparently) in love with me, but didn't have the guts to say anything to me.

Get the picture? I can keep giving examples, but I think you get the point: I can't help but feel that, sometimes, people are afraid of me (me, of all people)! They expect me to have a fit of rage or something, which puzzles me. Let me explain…

I know a guy who has, in his own words, been ‘beating his head against the wall’ for about 3 years now. It makes him, his wife, his kids and his entourage absolutely miserable, and there's about as much he can do about it as trying to blow up the sun (science joke!).

I don't wanna be like that. I don't wanna feel down or depressed. Yes, I'll admit I haven’t been feeling optimal lately (see the post below), but I simply refuse to be sad all the time. Life is too short to care about every little detail. I get mad and disappointed at the important things in life, not because you don’t know a song, take another train or are in love.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that you shouldn’t be too afraid of me. I’m not as mean a guy as you might think I am. I often crack jokes at the expense of the people around me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like them. What I don’t like are bad feelings and vibes, and, as such, try to keep them at a minimum. Consequentially, I also don't like apologies and hearing the word ‘sorry’, because it implies I’m angry or disappointed with the speaker.

Yes, I know, you, the one who is reading this, are probably going to let me down, and possibly again. And I forgive you. I'm a nice, likeable guy (or, at least, I try to be!) who wants people to be happy, without the insipid BS and pointless hardships some like to see others suffer.

So, yes, it’s okay.

Toads! Crapauds! Cheese-eating surrender monkeys!

I planned another topic for this blogpost, but I simply need to vent my angers with this rant. Lately, I’ve been feeling bad because of numerous problems I’ve been having, both professional (well, okay, school-related) and personal. I’ll rant about some of the former in this post, because the personal ones are just that, personal. Not that anyone will ever read any of this, but still, better to not have personal info out in the open.

The primary causes of my anger are the courses I have to take, in particular the French ones. Those who experienced them will know what I'm talking about. Last year, I put up with them. Right now, I downright loathe them. Why? Because I like languages (I do!), but my main source of interest is English. That’s also why I’m writing this blog in English. But I feel like the HUB disrespects English by appointing bad teachers and not caring too much about what we should learn. Last year, I learned (almost) NOTHING! Here and there, something, yes, but altogether? No, not nearly as much as I wanted.

Apart from English, I also take French courses. And while the English courses were kind of a landslide (when they shouldn’t have been), last year I had to work hard for French, the thought being that when one has a HUB-degree of French, he can speak, read and write like a true Frenchie. That’s not something I want. I want it the other way around: I want my French to be okay, but my English to improve drastically! And there’s nothing I feel I can do about this… and that angers me. I’m tired of teaching myself to write and speak better English. I want some professional guidance, but feel like I just can’t get that at the HUB, which is stupefying because that's the reason I started Applied Languages there in the first place.

Also, many people there have to redo their 1^st year (be it French or something other), so I don’t see them as much, and that saddens me. Last year, it was easy to find someone you liked on the old, way better campus, and you could go sit pretty much next to anyone in class, but now? Not at all. There are people I haven’t seen for months, and I have no idea what they’re doing now. And yes, I blame the French courses.

It’s just that I don’t really like studying French, so I’m inclined to neglect it. But to survive it, I have to work harder than I would care to. And it just sucks.

I hear you thinking, but, wait dude, why don't you just quit? Short answer: I always have to pick a second language! I won't bother with Russian, German or Italian. And those who know me a bit know that Spanish isn't the best choice either... So I'll have to stay with French and sit out this ride, which is a b*tch.

The only, small light I see at the end of the tunnel is that, in (hopefully!) one and a half years time, I will be released from that French curse. But we aren’t there yet, not by a long shot…

Maybe I'm being too hard on all this - there are, after all, multiple reasons I've been feeling bad lately, so you can expect me to feel more dreary overall than I would if I had few other problems (as was the case last year). And as for the rest of my problems, they're for some other time (if at all), for this wall of text already violates the rules of proper blog-bienséance.

(As a small side note, Google Translate now translates from and to Latin, so I immediately entered the famous quote “Cetero censeo Carthaginem esse delendam”. The English translation? “Cato The Elder”! Google never ceases to bemuse and impress me!)

First post!

Okay so this is my very first post on any blog ever. Please don’t mind all the little inconsistencies and other trinkets of idiotic weirdness you’ll find here, I’m trying!

Some clarification about the name of this blog: it comes from the song Landmines and Landslides by ska/punk band Less Than Jake, both of which I adore and which I’m listening to atm, and because in my darkest moments, I feel like it’s me they’re singing about. But hey, I’m not an emo/goth kid, and we all have the blues sometimes, don’t we!

One of the most important pieces of info when I visit a blog is the details about the author. I won’t give out my full name for privacy and security concerns, but you should know I’m a 21-year old Dutch-speaking Belgian male applied languages student at the HUB (that’s Hogeschool-Universiteit Brussel, a college in Brussels, for all you non-Belgium-savvy peeps), for which one of my assignments this semester is starting an own blog. In my opinion, it’s kind of weird to have to start an own blog for one of your classes, but hey, at least it ups my grades and it’s better than having to study countless pieces of stupefying information which you’ll immediately forget once the holidays kick in! 

Why do I write in English? Because it’s the most important language in the world; I’m a languages student (I speak English, French and Dutch; am currently thinking about Polish; and having experience of Spanish and German); and first and foremost, I absolutely love to read, write, hear and speak English. I hope this blog will improve my English, and that’s always good. So that decision was pretty much a no-brainer.

What might you expect of this blog? Just little quirks, sundries and small things I notice in my life. Some posts might involve college, others parties, still others travels, in short, just about everything and anything I think I should write about.

How often will I update this blog? No idea, stick around and find out for yourself!

Awed? Affected? Disappointed? Worried? Disgusted? Vilified? Petrified? Write your say in the comments!

Aaaaand… that’s it! My very first post. Hope it was all right. And I wonder if I’ll look back on this 5 years from now and ponder on everything that’s happened since, but that’s a task for future me. By the way, hey future me! Remember me, past you? We’re awesome!

Ciao for now!